Fear and....

“The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.”
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"For when a woman is left too much alone, sooner or later she begins to think;- And no man knows what then she may discover”
--Edwin A. Robinson quotes (American Poet, 1869-1935)

Just now, I walked back into the house from the yard I just finished mowing...well, that's not exactly true. The front yard is mowed now, but the backyard, strewn with the materials for raised garden beds, is not currently mow-able. My dad has built 5 marvelous raised bed frames, and it has taken my sister and I 3 weeks to turn over the sod, shovelfull by wormy shovelfull, where they're going to be placed. One bed is leveled and placed, ready for the load of dirt that will come from...somewhere. That's another task to research this weekend. The garden is getting a much, much later start than it should be. Last week I re-potted all of my heirloom tomato plants because they were rooting out of the peat pellets, desperate for real soil.

Sitting at my kitchen table, I look around to see any number of things that need to be done; the dishwasher needs to be emptied, and laundry needs to be done so I'll have clean clothes for a brief weekend trip over Memorial day. A stack of picture frames and the art that goes in them stand on the bookshelf in the living room, waiting for their turn with my attention. An old door lays on the table in the room we use as an office/studio, part of a project for a friend's wedding that will take place in a month

But I sit down to write. I didn't really plan on this, but there has been a steady recurrence of events this spring that have begun directing me to write about something I have never wanted to write about (except in angry journal entries which will, with luck, never see the light of day.). Someday I'll tell you about the prompts (and direct commands)that got me here to this blog entry.

I'm a single girl, and this was never where I wanted to be in life.

There are great things about my life, and I'm luckier than many people in the same situation. I have a great family, including a sister who went out on this house-buying venture we started last fall. While I lived far away from my hometown for 3 years after college, I was blessed with a roommate and a few friends who were willing to really walk through life with me for a few years (a rarity, as I now know).

But the fact is still there that I never expected to be single into my thirties, and so now I am walking a new and unfamiliar road of making a life alone every day. For a time, I'm going to focus on that journey here on my blog.


Holly said…
I am jealous of your raised beds! I'm going barrel hunting this weekend to plant vegetables in my back yard. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the single life! I'm right here with you. :)
jana.kaye said…
yah vegetables! Thanks Hollywynn, good to hear from you. Good luck with the barrels!